Why this is here.

You are a writer, then dammit write! Write it out. Write about your dark past, your struggling present, and your hopeful future. My brain says as I ponder the idea in my head.

I was ten when things became dark. We had just moved and I was a shy one, no friends, new house, a mom who thought I was fat and placed me on a diet, and HIM the man who thought for some reason I was HIS to do with as he saw fit. Perhaps becuse I was adopted he didn't think of it as INCEST. Perhaps I'll never know. Either way I was ten when my childhood was ripped from me and I was forced to behave as an adult in secret.

This is hopefully a document of my recovery.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hitting HIM

My teen was in a fight and in response to the situation we are learning some fighting techniques in my martial arts class. While my instructor doesnt know the details (few do) he knows I was in a "bad relationship" We were doing a jab and then a reverse punch with my instructor holding "bags". I again was doing okay untill he wanted to see more power and he said picture HIS face. I stopped and FROZE again! AARRGGHH! Then as he talked to me I began to punch HARD again and again. I punched until I began to cry. He let me know it was okay and I took a moment to compose myself.

Some of you who might read this sometime will wonder why I allow this to happen. I want the demons exorcised. I want to know that if i face someone who looks like him or reminds me of him or some one who has the ability to take my power I dont want to freeze. I want to show power and be able to defend myself. I want to recover my color.
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